Condom song

In my free time, I like to make up pedantic, slightly obscene songs in Kiswahili.

The Condom Song (To the tune of Rihanna's "Umbrella")

Verse 1:
Ukitaka kujua
Jinsia ya kutumia
Kondomu ya kiume
Basi sikiliza
Wimbo huu
Halafu utajua

Chorus:
Kwa nini tunapenda kutumia kondomu?
Kwa sababu nyingi sana.
Hatutaki kupata UKIMWI au magonjwa ya zinaa.
Hatutaki mimba pia, kwa hiyo tunatumia
Tunapenda kutumia kondomu
Tunapenda kutumia kondomu, kondomu, kondomu
Hey, Hey, Hey, kondomu, kondomu, kondomu,
Hey hey hey hey hey hey

Verse 2:
Hatua ya kwanza
Angalia paketi
Kama imepasuka
Usitumia
Halafu angalia
Tarehe ya kwisha
Kama imepita
Tumia nyingine
Fungua paketi
Kwa uangalifu
Usitumie
Meno au kisu

Chorus

Verse 3:
Ukishafungua
Valisha kondomu
Kwenye uume
Uliyosimama
Minya chuchu
Ya kondomu
Ili kuhakisha
Hamna hewa ndani
Endela kuminya
Wakati wa kukunjua
Ukishafanya ngono
Vua na tupa

Chorus

Verse 4
Watu wengi
Wanafikiri
Kwamba kondomu
Hazinogi
Lakini ni bora
Kutumia kondomu
Kuliko kupata magonjwa
Au VVU

Chorus

Who doesn't love Celine Dion?

Lesson learned in Tanzania: You can write a song about anything to the tune of "My Heart Will Go On".

I have started writing stupid songs to use when I teach, so the students will pay attention. They probably just think I am ridiculous, but I am at least amusing myself. The following are the lyrics to my song about STDs:

Verse 1:
Klamidia na kisonono
Ni magonjwa ya ngono.
Dalili zao ni sawasawa.
Usaha au maumivu
Wakati wa kukojoa.
Hizi ni dalili,
Lakini wengi hawana dalili zozote.

Chorus:
Klamidia, kisonono, kaswende na kankroidi
Haya ni magonjwa ambayo hatutaki kupata.
Usifanye ngono, uwe mwaminifu,
Au tumia kondomu kila tendo la ngono
Ukipata ugonjwa nenda kwa daktari mapema
Na waambie wapenzi wako ili watibiwe pia

Verse 2:
Kaswende ni ugonjwa
Wa madhara mengi,
Kwa mfano kichaa au kifo.
Inaanza na kidonda
Ambacho hakiumi,
Halafu kidonda kinapona.

Verse 3:
Kankroidi ni ugonjwa
Wa vidonda pia
Lakini vidonda hivi
Vinaumia sana.

Rough English translation:
Chlamydia and gonorrhea
Are sexually transmitted diseases.
Their symptoms are the same.
Discharge or pains while urinating
These are symptoms
But many have no symptoms at all.

Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphillis and chancroid.
These are diseases that we don't want to get.
Don't have sex, be faithful,
Or use a condom each time you have sex.
If you get an infection, go quickly to the doctor
And tell your partners so they can be treated too.

Syphillis is an infection
Of many consequences
Such as insanity or death.
It starts with a sore
That doesn't hurt.
Then the sore heals.

Chancroid is an infection
With sores also.
But these sores hurt a lot.